I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
