last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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