haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
