Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
