VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
