So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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