Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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