I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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