she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
3 2 1 whiskey
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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