your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My ATM looks so different sober.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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