I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
