someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
