everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize