don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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