i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You took a bar mat shot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize