Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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