8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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