My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
