You work out of a Hotel?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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