Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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