at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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