its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
