Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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