she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
