Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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