Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
