I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
