I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
