If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
