Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
