I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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