you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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