I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
