im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
