Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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