end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
