I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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