I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
