Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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