where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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