i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
