I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
