It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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