i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize