imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
