wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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