you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
