just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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