On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
two words...techno handjob
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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