just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
