i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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