It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
