Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
