I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
