ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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