I'm really into asian looking animals
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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