the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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