I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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