I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
