My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
