somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
