You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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