Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
