yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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