I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
