People with herpes should wear stickers.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
