Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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