I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
