i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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