thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
