haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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