I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
