I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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