I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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