I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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