i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
