the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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